All the Feelings

Full disclosure first: this moment happened after I had to break down two arguments that happened between my girls approximately 5.78 seconds into the activity. They were bickering over which coloring book they wanted, and after some negotiation my oldest gave up her book saying, “I didn’t really want to color in it anyway.” 🤦🏻‍♀️ My, freaking, STARS. Let us keep this in mind when we see lovely pictures and think it was all lovely, all the time.

This week was a mix of really great days with really great feelings, and really hard days with equally really hard feelings. The girls and I are into a good groove with the remote learning, and everyone’s schooling and dance worked pretty well. Then we had the day come and go that we were supposed to embark on a family trip down to Florida with almost all of my siblings, my Dad, my Nana, and some aunts and uncles, something that has not been able to happen in my adult life, but had to cancel because of COVID-19. This week will have the same kind of sadness, as it will have been the time when the writer’s conference I was going to attend would have happened, the one where all of the members of my peer critique group attend and get to hangout for a weekend while filling our writer’s cups with great workshops and keynotes. I am sad, but also happy to be doing my part and know that these events being canceled mean my family and friends are safe, doing the right things, and we’re helping to stop the spread of the disease. I keep saying it and reminding myself that this is hard, but for all of the reminders and trying to stay on top of my emotions, it will still come along and roll me over seemingly out of the blue. I was out driving to do a curbside pick-up and I suddenly felt so sad. Thoughts of people losing their loved ones, worries about getting what I need for my family, wondering how my Nana is fairing with scant contact to the people in her nursing home, it all just bubbled forth in this wave of sadness. And I let myself sit and acknowledge the sadness for a moment, recognizing it, and then moved myself along and out the other side of it. I made sure that I got down on my yoga mat later that week, I took some time to meditate, I made granola, and I pulled out my coloring books to enjoy with the girls. Many ups and downs, but put all together, we’re making our way through fairly well.

I did also get into my story last week. I finished making place holders for each chapter of the story and am hoping to start drafting the chapters this week. I struggled with it though, in truth only spending a couple of hours writing. It was more important to me to get some creativity out in other ways (coloring) and to do some self-care. I don’t know what this week will hold. But, we will get through it, one day at a time.

Remember, you are strong enough to get through this and you are doing a great job.

Happy Writing!

3 thoughts on “All the Feelings

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  1. “You are strong enough to get through this and you are doing a great job.” Thank you! I so needed that! What is it about world crises that make us internalize the chaos, judge ourselves harshly and feel like we not good enough? lol. I sound very depressed, but I’m not. It just helps to talk well…umm…comment. Thanks for sharing!! 🙂 Hugz!

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